The Toasted Scimitar: Lord of the Rings as Written by Other Authors

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lord of the Rings as Written by Other Authors

In my internet wanderings, I stumbled across this site.

Yes, just as the title suggests, and very entertaining.

I vote for Gene Roddenberry's and Dr. Seuss' renditions. Not that that's an option.

4 comments:

Rana said...: This is HILARIOUS

What a great find!; April 6, 2009 at 5:23 PM
Laurie said...: Glad you enjoyed it, Rana. :); April 12, 2009 at 4:08 PM
darkened_jade said...: Definitely a welcome diversion. Thanks for the link.; May 14, 2009 at 1:07 AM
mewmewmew said...: Thanks, Jo. :) You won't have to wait much longer. Just two more weeks to the release date.

bulk sms
Waka Flocka Flame mixtapes; February 24, 2011 at 6:38 AM

Mission Control: Laurie

Laurie is the Science Fantasy & Romance inclined of the group, and most of her work takes place on another planet, in space, or involves time travel or a paranormal element. You’re not destined to meet an elf, demon or vampire in any of her stories, but there might be a dragon—or a reasonable facsimile. Laurie lives in New Mexico, but was raised in Michigan. She's a government analyst and a Thoroughbred breeder in her “alternate reality.” She enjoys tormenting her (crazy) co-bloggers with tirades about the evil of the terrible -ly adverbs, and spends her days hunting them down and stamping out their existence.

The Dreaded One: Ardyth

Ardyth, aka The Dreaded Critter is a fanged, story-life blood sucking creature who loves to totally shred other people's plots, steal other people's characters and hold them for ransom, and generally manipulate her fellow authors. Severely addicted to stories but highly opinionated, Ardyth prefers fairy tales, slipstream, or fantasy with unusual elements.
When she's not busy being evil, Ardyth hides her fangs, combs her golden locks, spreads sunscreen on her white as milk skin, and writes children's novels.

Resident Geek: Skip

Skip is a Fantasy writer who often ends up writing Science Fiction accidentally. She can't seem to violate the laws of physics, just biology. Her characters would attest that she's an Evil Author, as they often suffer from traumatic pasts and psychological problems, which they are forced to relive and confront in the course of their novels. As a reader, skip enjoys overidentifying with angsty characters, reading between the lines too much, being suspicious of secondary characters, and inventing literary symbolism. In real life, skip spends too much time with physics, computer science, and other geeky things such as reading about bees in Latin, rolling d20 dice, complaining about tautological arguments, and stabbing things with blunt objects (virtually, of course).

Evil Overlord: Merc

Merc is the resident tyrant and an Evil Author who delights in tormenting her characters for the good of the story. She writes in the fantasy and horror genres, with a smattering of sci-fi, all with either a dark or twisted or sarcastic edge. Merc is easily entertained, prone to excessive rants, an unashamed villain enthusiast, and adores her ferrets. With the disguise as a friendly, polite and hard-working barista so convincing to the mundane world, Merc is pleased that no one has discovered the zombie armies she trains in her back yard in preparation for world domination.

The Feral Biologist: Spartezda

A fantasy writer, Spartezda longs for the day science can give her antlers and retractable claws. In the meantime she stalks the night as a grammar guerrilla and spelling vigilante, her trail marked by bleeding pages and mauled cliches. She is easily fascinated and loves stories with wild imagination—the stranger, the better. No idea is safe from her gleeful irreverence. Should you encounter her in the wild, use a pair of earrings or other shiny objects to distract her attention while you flee.

The Evil Author"s Dictionary

character (n) 1. A pesky individual who will not stop bothering the author to have his/her story told. 2. Background fodder to be slain when needed.

climax (n) 1. The point in a story where an evil author displays their full talents in manipulating the hearts and minds of both characters and readers.

conflict (n) 1. What an author inflicts on characters for entertainment.

hero (n) 1. A character with improbable good luck, of which (s)he is infuriatingly unaware. 2. Someone who only succeeds by authorial intervention.

reader (n) 1. A victim who becomes hooked on a particular story or set of characters.

torture (v) 1. The most likely way to get your MC to do what you want.

villain (n) 1. The most interesting character in any book, forced into defeat by meddlesome authors.

The Toasted Scimitar

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Lord of the Rings as Written by Other Authors

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Mission Control: Laurie

The Dreaded One: Ardyth

Resident Geek: Skip

Evil Overlord: Merc

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